Away in Australia... Part II: Sydney

I left Melbourne on New Year's Eve, on the day that it was expected to reach 40°C... As you can imagine, I was quite glad to be spending my morning in an air conditioned airport, boarding an air conditioned flight! 

As I was queueing to get on board, I spotted to my right a familiar face. Former England captain-turned Sky pundit, Mike Atherton and his family. It gets better. So much better. I got on and settled down next to probably the only Australian on board. There were people from the Barmy Army Colts on board, so it was a pretty English orientated flight. Suddenly, to my left, someone in the middle aisle said, "Isn't that Graeme Swann?" I turn around, like a few other England fans, and lo-and-behold on the other side of the plane, there he is, in all his cat rescuing glory. I turn back to the front, now with a huge grin on my face and suddenly, down my side of the aisle, is the Aussie conquerer himself, Alastair Cook. I didn't say anything. I've met/been very close to him before down at Essex (and have turned bright red in the process, quiet you), but here he was on a flight and I was worried I'd look like an absolute nutter. Still, I sat grinning like a moron as Paul Collingwood, Eoin Morgan and the man with the golden knock of 168 not out at the MCG, Jonathan Trott, all walked past me. It got even more surreal the moment that the Ashes retaining captain of Andrew Strauss got on board. Every England fan, having been at the MCG two days ago, gave him a clap. And he really appreciated it, because he flashed a massive smile. So did Andy Flower. And for the hour and a bit flight, I sat in a dazed state, trying not to listen to 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' on my iPod on repeat. They had the news on on the flight and there was an interview with Swanny in the sports bulletin saying that he was going to enjoy his hangover. Weirdly though, it was only Kevin Pietersen wearing the sunglasses... 

When the plane safely landed in Sydney, the poor, dejected Australian sat next to me looked very disappointed and said, "Bang goes our chance of a drawn series." 

So I was in Sydney for New Year's Eve. I went to collect my match tickets whilst waiting for my hotel to have my room ready. I got the match programme and flicked through it, only to find it was the exact same one I got in Melbourne. Apart from the feature on the members of squad from Victoria were replaced with a feautre on the members of the squad from New South Wales. Which is the majority of them. Anyway, like Christmas Day, I spent my New Year with the Barmy Army. I got to see the fireworks at New Year. I'm going to be honest, when I was stood on the street, it didn't really seem that impressive. I did get a decent view of the bridge though and once again met some very nice people! 

Anyway, after exploring the city on the Saturday and the Sunday, the day of the fifth and final Ashes Test arrived. Win, and England would have won the Ashes 3-1 for the first time in my short, 19 year life. Lose, and Australia would've got a 2-2 series draw that, in all honesty, they did not deserve. The only Test they really turned up in was the Perth Test and the first half of the Brisbane Test. As soon as Mitch dropped Strauss in Brisbane, it was all over for Australia in Adelaide, as the 'momentum' took a huge shift.

It was a grey and humid day in Sydney. And I somehow managed to find the route with the steepest hill (as a road) I have ever seen. I, being from Suffolk, had never seen such a huge incline and I was wearing flip flops. It was, quite frankly, gruelling and I considered walking it bare foot. Then I saw pieces of glass and thought better of it. The walk to the SCG was nothing like the MCG. There was no beautiful park by the river, no bridge leading to the ground, but it was still a fairly good walk. The way I went on the first day (I got lost at least three times due to lack of signposting/my inability to stick to main roads) was certainly much longer and more hilly...

As I was walking to the ground, I came across this poster of the front page of the Daily Telegraph, pinned to a tree:

-

I didn't take this photo until the close of play (hence the massive amount of rain water that forced me to walk back bare foot...), but both times I saw it, I managed to laugh to myself, because I'm lovely like that.

Soon, I arrived at the outside of the ground. There was a park, but it was for cars. It looked a nice, traditional ground.

I hadn't had the time to go and have a look at it, so I couldn't do any England stalking. Instead, I went to gate E and got into the ground. There were escalators, like the ones you find in Debenhams or something. They were outside. It was quite weird. It's probably just me not being very vigilant in other places. Anyway, I soon found my way to Bay 11 and sat in my seat. Again, like the MCG, it was a great view. Not as straight, but still a pretty decent view!

The England team warmed up and on the run round the outfield passed the Barmy Army section to much of a round of applause. Soon it was time for the toss. Michael Clarke came out to find no Andrew Strauss, who'd been late off the field after some more fielding drills. When I woke up in the morning, the idea came into my head that Clarke would bat, despite what happened at the MCG and despite the overhead conditions.

Michael Clarke (in the green blazer somewhere in the middle) strides out to the middle.

The toss was won by Australia. They decided to bat. Either Clarke was setting out a challenge to his batsmen (to paraphrase Ponting and apply it to Clarke: "Ah look mate, I was rubbish at Melbourne, but so were you guys.") or he had a suicide wish. Or he feared Swanny and didn't want to bat last on a pitch expected to offer spin. Or he was using the local knowledge of himself and most of his team-mates. Or... I'll stop now, because I'm just speculating and over-using 'or'. I can't remember what Clarke said when talking to Mark Nicholas, but I think Strauss must've been secretly pleased.

The indigenous people's welcome was given, the national anthems were sung and then the cricket began. I say cricket, it was quite possibly the most eye-bleedingly dull session of cricket that I have ever witnessed. To their credit, Australia had learnt from their errors in Melbourne. It was still agonising viewing as the Australian batsmen crawled along, blocking the good balls and playing the bad ones. I know I'm spoilt in this modern era of cricket, but if anything was like watching a modern version of Geoff Boycott, this was it. My mum texted me saying she was falling asleep until, suddenly, everything's favourite opener Phil Hughes fell back into the trap of not leaving a short one. He was out to the final ball before lunch. I was now wide awake and the torture was over.

This wicket of Hughes meant that the debutant of Usman Khawaja had to wait 40 minutes for his batting debut. People around me were pretty sure he'd be nervous, but when he strode out with Shane Watson (him having presumably informed Usman of his running habits), he looked relaxed. And he started off hitting Tremlett for two, then four off his first two balls. Already, he was looking better than Ricky Ponting had in the entire series.

The first day was pretty much ravaged by rain. After lunch, Australia continued with what they were doing before the lunch break, but seemed to be far more entertaining now. The Australian 100 came up and they were only 1 wicket down, which, considering some of their starts this series, was a minor miracle. However, Shane Watson, being the considerate chap he is, soon undid all his hard work and got out to Bresnan. Watson was fuming with himself. I think he punched his bat (it might not have been this innings) and that made me laugh even more... And so, this brought to the wicket stand-in captain Michael Clarke, to a chorus of boos. It wasn't even England fans, it was Australians. Clarke, at his home ground, captaining Australia was welcomed like he'd insulted them all in a past life.

He didn't hang around long. Bresnan, continuing to make me eat every last word I've ever said against him (much like James Anderson did last summer), got his edge and Anderson duly took the catch. This was all well and good, but it meant Mike Hussey was in. Having seen him fail in Melbourne, I was feeling incredibly wary here of what could be in prospect. Luckily, he didn't have much time to make much of an impact. Usman Khawaja mistimed a shot off of Swann and Trott took the catch. It turned out to be the last ball of the day, because then the heavens opened.

So, day one was pretty much honours even. England had got four wickets (three very quickly), Australia had Hussey and Haddin at the crease. Anyway, day one may've been a damp affair, but it didn't stop the crowd having fun:

Fred Flintstone and some "ladies" do the conga...

Fred Flintstone, some "ladies" and some Newcastle fans doing the Mitchell Johnson...

"Let's all do the sprinkler, let's all do the sprinkler..."

I decided to leave the ground just as it began to pour down. I couldn't be bothered to hang around and wait for it to finish, I didn't mind a bit of water. Big mistake. My flip flops became my worst enemy as they caused me to slip all over the place, so I took them off and decided to walk the mile or two back to the hotel bare foot. Unlike in the UK, nobody gave me a second glance here! Once I was back in the hotel, I dried off, washed the mud off of my feet and watched South Africa vs India. Jacques Kallis was awesome. Sreesanth was not.

So, to day two. It was a little less grey outside when I opened the curtains, but it was expected to be hot in the afternoon. On my way to the ground, I met some other Barmy Army folk and one of them turned out to be an Ipswich fan. Go all that way and you find yourself discussing the recent loss to Nottingham Forest...

Anyway, day two started well for England. The day had started at 10 due to all the rain yesterday and it would do the remainder of the Test. Early mornings all round. Haddin, evidently put off by this early start, decided to play a terrible, flashy, pointless shot and gift England their fifth wicket. Thanks very much, Brad! As England were looking to use up overs before the new ball, on came Paul Collingwood, who at this point hadn't said that he was retiring. What did he do? He bowled Mike Hussey with what turned out to be his final ball in Test cricket. And in came Mitchell Johnson.

Ah, Mitchell. As soon as he walked to the crease, the "He bowls to the left..." chant started up. And Mitch decided it was time to shut us up. He was blasting boundaries that Michael Clarke could only dream of hitting in his current form and when he reached 50, saluted the entire crowd. Apart from Bay 11. He even made a point of turning his back to us. Not the wisest decision, since there was still his bowling to be seen...

Smith and Siddle departed, and we were hoping to bundle them out before lunch. Unfortunately though, Hilfenhaus, bouyed on by his pair in Melbourne, put up some resistance with Johnson:

One of Hilfy's many edges. Seriously.

They continued after lunch and we were beginning to think that they might post a fairly decent score, until Mitch was bowled by Bresnan, prompting cautious delirium in the Barmy Army. Out came the other debutant, Michael Beer, to cheering from the Aussie fans. His first run was greeted with more cheering. Then Hilfenhaus played one shot too many and was caught behind off Anderson. 280 all out. Better than we expected. Better than we hoped. The Aussies would have confidence now.

Nothing could've prepared me for the Andrew Strauss that came out to bat.

The two batting heroes of Australia's innings were given the new ball. They were both incredibly wayward and Strauss and Cook gleefully hit them around the park. Strauss pulled Hilfenhaus for a six. He'd raced to 36 off 26, whereas Cook had 9 off the same number of balls. Clearly the captain had one eye on the ODI series (although as I write this, I'm not sure which ODI series). His fifty came up off Johnson (ha!) off of 49 balls. I don't know what he'd had in his beverage during the innings break, but it's something that everyone else needed.

Unfortunately, Hilfenhaus finally bowled a good ball. Strauss missed it and was bowled on the off stump. We were disappointed, but it had given England a cracking start as they were 98-1. However, Johnson got in on the act in the very next over. Trott, greeted with a chorus of boos, marked his guard (or as the Aussie behind me at the MCG said, digging his way back to South Africa). He needn't have bothered. He inside edged it onto his stumps and gave Mitchell Johnson a lift. We were 99-2 and now Kevin Pietersen was at the crease. Take out his 227 at Adelaide, and he'd had another distinctly average series. He greeted his first ball by hitting it to the boundary.

It was time for England to rebuild, Alastair Cook was still in and he hit another 50. If they weren't already, Australians were beginning to get sick of the sight of him. He gave us a scare though, as on 46, Cook decided to take Beer on. He skied it to Hilfenhaus who duly took the catch and the celebrations began. However, like we'd seen in Melbourne with Prior, the umpire (this time Billy Bowden) went upstairs to ask if it was a no-ball, which he is allowed to do if the ball takes a wicket. And, with the delivery being replayed on the big screen, it was glaringly obvious that Beer had over-stepped. Cue The Barmy Army singing, "Ali, Ali Cook, Ali Cook..." to some annoyed Australians...

And then, with England looking comfortable on 160 odd for 2, KP decided to take on Mitch. Johnson bowled his "secret weapon" of the shorter ball and what did KP do? He hooked it straight down Michael Beer's throat. Seemingly suffering from short term memory loss at both Bell and Collingwood doing the same thing in Melbourne, I cannot even begin to describe how I angry I was! It was a complete and utter waste of a wicket. If it had been a good ball, I wouldn't have been so annoyed, but instead he was out the same way that two of his team mates were out. Don't get me wrong, I was annoyed at Ian Bell too, but this was nearing the close of play. In came James Anderson as a night watchman, and to his credit, he survived. Every dot ball bowled by Johnson in the final over of the day was greeted with hugely ironic cheers.

And so, at the end of day two, England were in a decent enough position. Cook was still in and once Jimmy got out, we were into the last batters. It would be an interesting, but also emotional, day three. As day three, was pink day for the Glenn McGrath Foundation.

The Barmy Army shirt.

Pink wigs.

Jimmy gets in the spirit.

The England team giving their pink caps to Glenn McGrath

I have never seen so much pink in my life. Brett Lee was wearing something that a friend of mine would be jealous of and grown men had adorned themselves in various shades of the stuff. It was quite a sight and a fantastic tribute and way to raise money.

On to the cricket. Jimmy hit a fantastic drive for four and then got bowled next over. Standard English batting. It brought to the crease Paul Collingwood, the man who has a knack of scoring a century when his place is being questioned or he's out of form. Cook was getting closer to yet another century in this Ashes series and Collingwood was at the other end doing what Colly does best, looking incredibly nervous and inside edging it loads.

Cook, on 99, decided that it was time to give the Barmy Army another heart attack and seemingly clip it straight to Phil Hughes. Cook wasn't convinced at all, Hughes didn't seem too sure, but Haddin was adament. So it went upstairs. And it was not out. Cook survived and chants of "same old Aussies, always cheating" came out. Beer was having no luck and Cook finally managed to find the gap and notch up yet another ton.

Unfortunately, my joy was fairly short lived, as in the next Beer over, Collingwood tried to slog it for six and ended up giving Beer his first Test wicket. There would be no fairy tale for Colly, his final Test innings finished with him being out for 13. But that's not what I'll remember of Colly's last Test. Him bowling Mike Hussey is the thing I won't forget. 

Michael Beer's first (and so far only) Test wicket

In came Ian Bell, another one of England's in form players. After two early blows, England once again had to rebuild at 227-5. The way we were going, it looked like we might only get a very slender lead. Bell began watchfully as Cook continued to nab any singles. He was in and had the determined look in his eyes. 

Once Bell finally hit a boundary, all the pressure seemed to lift off his shoulders and he began playing those scrumptious shots that make you go, "SHOT!" or make funny noises that sound a bit dodgy. He got to his fifty off Steve Smith (who, despite being a spinner playing at Sydney, did not bowl until the 102nd over) and England were getting closer to a 100-run lead. 

And England got the lead of 100, then Cook got out 11 short of a probably very well deserved double hundred. Still, he'd hit 189, yet another fantastic knock and may as well have been handed the man of the series award as he walked off the pitch. Shane Watson's reaction to getting Cook out annoyed me, as he celebrated like he was the new messiah or something. (Apologies, once again, for my incredibly blinkered view) Out came Matt Prior. 

Suddenly, with Bell on 67, controversy reared its ugly head again. Bell was given out caught behind off of Shane Watson. After a lengthy debate with Prior, he decided to review it. HotSpot showed nothing. The decision was overturned. I didn't think he'd hit it and then Snicko showed a noise as the ball passed the inside edge. Bell had taken his time whilst talking to Prior. If he hadn't thought he'd hit it, he'd have gone for it straight away, surely? If the technology of Snicko is there, why isn't it used? Surely it's more conclusive than HotSpot? And was this worse than the Phil Hughes catch appeal when Cook was on 99? Either way, it certainly changed the match. Unlike at Melbourne, where one captain had blown his top, Michael Clarke accepted it and Australia got on with it. 

Bell got his maiden Ashes century. He was greeted with some boos from the Australians, but with mass applause from the Barmy Army. 

England's lead continued to build and build. Prior was playing an aggressive innings, he reached 50 soon after Bell's century and it was exactly what England needed. Bell fell in the penultimate over of the day (he was booed off by bitter Aussies, and roundly cheered by English fans) to Mitchell Johnson, who by the end of the over, was reaching a well deserved century as well. It brought out Tim Bresnan, but England had a lead of 200 and with Prior with the aggressive mindset, Bresnan in and Swann still in the hutch, that lead was likely to grow after five sessions in the field.

Day four began with the news of Paul Collingwood's retirement from Test cricket. The general consensus was that it was the right time to go. He'd be a part of Ashes and cricket history. Yes, he may not've scored many runs in this series, but that catch of Ponting in Perth was a stonker. I will never, ever forget the 206 he made in that fateful Adelaide Test back in 2006/07 and some of his fielding has been absolutely sublime. When England next came out to field, the reaction to the Durham all-rounder would be superb. 

England's 500 came up off a Bresnan boundary, off Mitchell Johnson. This boundary happened to bring up Mitchell's century as well, but sadly this was largely ignored due to the fact England had scored 500+ for the fourth time in the series, which is some achievement considering the fact we're England and can do Englishy things at any time (see the Perth Test). 

England were going for it, no wickets were lost in the first hour and runs were flowing. Johnson, Hilfenhaus and Siddle had gone for over 300 between them and Australia didn't have many options. The new ball came, Johnson bowled a couple of decent deliveries, then bowled a crap one. Hilfenhaus was all puff and no bite and Siddle seemed to have used up his anger/good bowling at his home ground. The lead was now 300, then Johnson got Bresnan out. He had four wickets. For 130 runs. Would he really want a five-fer with those figures? 

A couple of overs after Bresnan was out, the 600 came up. It was truly staggering. The tail was well and truly wagging and Swann, well, Swann was tearing into Mitchell Johnson. Off the 10 Johnson balls he faced, Swann scored 29. Including one six and three fours. We were loving it. Swann was loving it. Michael Clarke was not. After being hit for 20 off one over, Johnson was sent to fine leg and was not to be seen again. 

Bowling, Mitch!

I've neglected to mention Matt Prior's century. As soon as he hit the four off Michael Beer, he ran straight over to the Barmy Army and celebrated like a mad man. I had a perfect shot and then my camera let me down. Still:

England made it to lunch at 600 odd for 9. Australia were shell-shocked. England were filling their boots (as the phrase goes). What we needed was more of Swann on strike, because when he's in the slogging mood, he's devastating. It was soon all over after lunch, as Tremlett edged it behind off Hilfenhaus, who somehow had 3 wickets. It was England's highest score in Australia. Ever. 

And so, England were now 5 sessions away from winning the Ashes 3-1. With no sign of the rain that plagued the earlier days returning, there really only seemed to be one result, unless the Australian batting line up grew a back bone in 10 minutes.

Watson came out playing aggressively. First ball, he hit Anderson for four and the Australians all turned round and began to give us some verbals. Having seen how easily England had swatted away the Aussie bowlers, Watson evidently thought he'd do the same. However, at the other end, was Phil Hughes. You have to feel kind of sorry for him, even if he is Australian. He's disliked by most of the fans, had a torrid 2009 Ashes series where he was worked out and here. Well, here he was hopelessly out of form and expected to fill the boots of Simon Katich.

But he wasn't the first wicket to fall. Oh no, the first wicket to fall was, quite possibly, the funniest thing I've seen. Watson, deciding that there was two, whereas Hughes (rightly) thought there was only one. Watson charged down the pitch, whilst Hughes calmly put his bat behind the line and Australia's first wicket had fallen. It was another run out, another waste and another side-splitter for me.

Several overs later, the inevitable happened, Hughes was out to Bresnan and Australia were 50 odd for 2. Hardly match saving territory. Khawaja was in with Clarke (again, greeted by boos) and they set about rebuilding. They lasted until tea, with England applying pressure. Swann was holding down one end and the seamers were being rotated. It was really only a matter of time.

After the tea break, Clarke and Khawaja began to hit some boundaries again, but then Khawaja did an England/Ricky Ponting-esque thing of hitting a boundary, then getting out. It didn't matter about run rate, England were never going to have to bat again after posting nearly 650, it was just keeping wickets intact and Australia just didn't have the right mentality. Their natural game is to attack (Watson looked about as comfortable as I would be wearing a Norwich shirt in the first innings), so defensive strategy is something that doesn't appear to be discussed in the Aussie changing room... They either get off to a flier or crumple in a heap and for Australia, they crumpled in a heap far too much this series.

With Khawaja gone, Mike Hussey was in, and someone handily decided to put this scary fact on the scoreboard:

Clarke soon departed and we were back to Hussey and Haddin, who'd put on a record partnership in Brisbane before Alastair Cook and Jonathan Trott poured buckets of water over their bonfires. Australia were in a similar position to where they were in the first innings, but this time, there was pressure on from the scoreboard.

Hussey was playing well, he seemed to have forgotten his woes in Victoria and was beginning to look like the nightmarish one. Haddin was playing a bit of a counter-attack and then... Bresnan got Hussey. The first 5 balls had cost 9 runs, and then the final ball of the over, Hussey slapped it straight to Pietersen. He was gone for 12 and England now only needed 5 wickets to win the Ashes 3-1 and Australia were still 200 runs behind. They were facing yet another humiliating innings defeat. If ever there was a time to salvage pride, this was it.

Tremlett, meanwhile, had other ideas. In what was meant to be the last over of the day, Haddin could do nothing against Tremlett's short ball and ended up top edging a simple catch to Matt Prior (he always catches a top edge skier...) and it brought out Mitchell Johnson to chants of "We want Mitch! We want Mitch! We want Mitch!" What happened was just incredible. As he was walking out to the middle, he was greeted with "He bowls to the left...", as he was marking his guard, "He bowls to the riiiiiiight..." and then silence fell as Tremlett ran in to bowl.

What a moment. Just what a moment. A golden duck for the guy that had been made the target of the Barmy Army. His stumps were shattered and Tremlett was on a hat-trick. Bay 11 was going insane, I was looking for a person to hug, the person sat next to me later told me he could've kissed me he was so happy. It was just mass jubilation and as Mitch walked off, head down, I'm sure all he could hear was yet another cheerful rendition of "That Mitchell Johnson, his bowling is shite!"

England got the extra half hour, but to be perfectly honest, it was probably better that it went into the fifth day. It would be quite refreshing to have a fifth day of a Test match, after all, it's what I was there for. People had bought their tickets, only to be told that entry to day five was now free. Nice one Australians, nothing like taking losing well.

England were three wickets away from ending 24 years of pain Down Under and taking an Ashes series 3-1. Day five was threatening showers, but even this couldn't help Australia now. I'm going to give the stewards at the Sydney Cricket Ground some well deserved credit, as well as the Barmy Army people. If the steward hadn't seen you in the previous four days, you weren't allowed to sit with Bay 11. Someone had taken my seat, so I sat next to my Ipswich Town supporting friend. It was still a great view and there was no inflatable swan in my way this time.

England fans were waiting for the inevitable and were enjoying it. Any England player that stood near us was serenaded. Nasser Hussain gave us a wave. When Strauss went to retrieve a ball from the boundary, he was greeted with huge cheers. However, like in Melbourne, Siddle put up resistance and Steve Smith actually batted well for the first time ever. Their partnership got bigger and bigger until Siddle finally mistimed one and this happened:

Jimmy takes the catch to give England their eighth wicket.

Now we were into the tailenders. Hilfenhaus, despite getting 30-odd in the first innings, was always suspectible. He edged behind to Prior off Anderson for 12 and England were now one wicket away from an absolutely amazing 3-1 victory. Instead of describing it to you, as I don't think my words could do it any justice, here are my pictures:

Hilfenhaus falls

Cook gives us a wave!

Oh Colly, we love you!

Billy the Trumpter plays 'The Last Post' with absolutely perfect timing as...

...Tremlett bowls Beer and the celebrations begin.

Yeah, I can never return to Australia after this.

It was an absolutely amazing thing to be a part of, and I doubt I will experience something like this again. Even if Ipswich beat Chelsea and Arsenal (they beat Arsenal, which was incredibly odd), it wouldn't even come close to how I was feeling that Friday morning in Sydney (and I can confirm, the Arsenal victory was amazing, but it just wasn't this). 

I'm going to be honest, the presentation ceremony was a bit disappointing. We didn't get the chance to serenade Mitchell for one last time and then each member of the England team. Still, I don't blame the Aussies, it is quite a painful thing to go through and they probably wanted to get home and allow Swann to drink some jagerbombs. 

Soon we left the ground to head down to another Barmy Army pub where I spent much of my afternoon singing, cheering and taking the piss of Mitchell Johnson's bowling. People in the streets stopped to have a look as we were creating so much noise.

 One final thing that happened in Sydney was the End of Tour Party and it was rumoured that some of the players would turn up. And turn up they did. One member of the group I was with managed to meet Swanny, Cook and Bell and then they went straight up to the VIP level. I was left slightly saddened and then Steven Finn turned up downstairs. Once again, it was just another surreal moment. And he did the sprinkler.

It's been nearly a month since I've returned from Australia and even though the ODI series is going so badly (I can't really pretend it's not happening), whenever I look through my pictures or look at the display I have now made on my wall of my time over there, I immediately become a lot happier! It was, in all honesty, a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am so pleased that I got the chance to go. I would, one day, love to return to Melbourne, because out of the two places, I fell in love with that city. Don't get me wrong, Sydney's a nice place too, but I don't know what it was about Melbourne. It was probably the fact the Australian Open was right next door to the MCG. 

Still, I once again leave you with a historic image (and bubbles):

 Thanks for reading. I'll try and be nice about Shane Watson and Mitchell Johnson and stop being such a giddy fan girl one day.

Away in Australia... Part I: Melbourne

Well, I've just written the worst essay possible and am expecting to be done for plagiarism due to terrible referencing. However, now that I'm back in the UK (physically that is. Mentally, my body clock's decided I'm still over there), I decided I'd write up/post some pictures of my big adventure to the other side of the world and give yet another one of those reviews of the Ashes.

Before I kick off with the Alastair Cook love and overusing the word 'awesome', I'd just like to say that I have been so lucky with this trip. The circumstances surrounding it aren't that lucky though, as my grandfather died nearly three years ago. He left me some money and when I turned 18 it was mine. So, one day last January, whilst looking out of the window onto a snowy scene and with England in South Africa still in the "we're going to lose, no wait, we're drawing" phase, I decided something. I went downstairs to my mum and dad and told them of my ambition, and they both looked at each other, a bit confused as to where their shy daughter, who hated change, of theirs had gone, but also very supportive. In February, I joined the Barmy Army. In March, the dream was pretty much reality. In December I would be flying off to Melbourne to watch the Boxing Day Test. A city I've wanted to visit for years and a Test that has such significance in the cricketing world. It wasn't just any Boxing Day Test. It was The Ashes. 

I got lucky with my flight out to Australia as well. Had it been at the weekend, when the Ipswich Town vs Leicester City match was being played on what can only be described as a white sheet of paper, I wouldn't have got out there. Instead, I was hardly delayed, didn't have to sit in Terminal 3 for at all long and to top it all off, there was free Wi-fi at Hong Kong airport. I'm not going to bore you with the details of the non-cricket related things I did once I was in Melbourne. But all I'm going to say is that Melbourne is an absolutely fantastic city. The climate's not too humid and you just cannot escape the sporting heritage of the place. And as a massive sports fan, that's a good thing!

I spent my Christmas Eve at the MCG. I had a free entry to the National Sports Museum as part of my package and thought I'd go a couple of days before the Test, so I could beat the crowd and fully appreciate it! Shane Warne had an exhibit in there, which was a hologram of himself talking about all his memories of the place. It was one of the weirdest experiences ever, especially when he "switched on" a television in the top right hand corner. In all seriousness though, it was an amazing insight into an absolute legend of the game and whilst I think it's wrong and they should stop living in the past, I can see why some Australians call for him when the next failed Aussie spinner gets hit for a six.

I also had a tour of the ground. "We're nothing like Lord's" seemed to be the over-riding slogan of the place, as they showed me the Long Room and everything covered in MCC logos... Having said this, it really, really is a magnificent place and the fact I was there a couple of days before the start of an Ashes Boxing Day Test match was just the icing on the cake. There was an excited buzz about the place, as last minute touches were made to the painting on the grass, the pitch being feverishly inspected by both teams and outside, all the inflatable kiosks for the entertainment of the crowd were being put up.

The Australian team were having a fielding session as I was having the tour, so I asked the guide when the England team would be arriving. He said they'd be there in the afternoon. The MCG has outdoor nets, so since I'd come to the other side of the world to watch some of my favourite players, I thought I'd locate the outdoor nets and settle down for an afternoon of watching the England team, having been destroyed by a rejuvenated Mitchell Johnson at Perth, remember how to bat again. 

A weird thing happened as I entered the MCG shop after the tour. I was wearing my Ipswich Town shirt, because pretty much every piece of clothing I own has a horse with a ball on it, and I looked up at the TV screen and saw a football match being played on a slowly increasing amount of snow. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. Here I was, the other side of the world, after a 22 hour flight, stood in one of the greatest sporting arenas in the world, and I was watching the match I was sat at nearly a week ago. You'll be pleased to know that I did a muted celebration as I watched Norris open the scoring for the second time.  

I soon found the outdoor nets and got a decent enough spot. I could've gone and stood behind the players, but I don't think I'd have been able to handle being stood behind Alastair Cook for too long. It was a weird experience. I could hear all the players normally and not through a microphone. Aleem Dar was there. James Anderson fiddled about with a camera and seemed to be taking pictures of Graeme Swann. Kevin Pietersen responded to some fans asking for him to wave. I took far too many pictures. This one I like:

And so I left the MCG, feeling incredibly happy, something that became very common in the other days I spent there...! Christmas Day I spent with the Barmy Army. I met some lovely, lovely people at my table, including another female, there by herself, watching cricket. I sang some truly lovely songs about Ricky Ponting and called Brad Haddin things that would make my parents horrified. What made it even better is the rumour that the Australian team were having their Christmas meal with their families only a couple of rooms away from us. I wasn't sure whether I believed it, but then I could've sworn I saw Ryan Harris in the casino afterwards, so I like to think that it's true!

After such a strange, but really good, Christmas Day, I went back to my hotel and prepared myself for a dream coming true. What happened was something I don't think anyone could've anticipated. Especially after the drubbing we got in Perth.

As the post below this one shows, I was so ridiculously excited. I wanted to get there, I wanted to be in the stadium, I wanted to be a part of the Barmy Army and sing songs and watch cricket and not have to listen to Nasser Hussain. I arrived at the ground and found England in the nets, again. So I enjoyed watching Strauss play the cover drive from a lower down, and possibly better, position. I then noticed that less people were stood behind the nets, so I thought I'd have a look. I found Alastair Cook (and others), was surrounded by Australians doing terrible attempts at sledging him! 

I entered the stadium again. I found my seat, which gave me a pretty good view: 

England won the toss. I didn't hear what Strauss said we were going to do due to the cheers from people around me. I looked at the skies and hoped, really, really hoped, that we wouldn't be batting first. And then it flashed on the screen. We were fielding. I couldn't be more happy. Whilst I enjoy watching them bat in the net, I'm terrible watching England bat for real. I get ridiculously nervous, especially if they're doing well. Because England can collapse at the drop of a hat... 

But so can Australia it seems! Despite the conditions overhead being cloudy (and Jimmy's quite good when it's cloudy), the Aussies decided to come out all guns blazing. I could understand Phil Hughes doing this, he doesn't seem to understand the idea of a defensive shot, but Shane Watson came out and just seemed like he didn't want to be there. He edged it in the first over (I think, it's kind of all merged into one memory) and was dropped. He was dropped a second time and I feared that my favouritest cricketer in the world would make us pay for it. He didn't. Seemingly overawed by the situation, Watson hit a routine catch to Pietersen and England were laughing. No, I was laughing. 

Cheerio Watto!

To be honest, the rest of the Australian innings was like a dream. I kept pinching myself to make sure I wasn't lying in bed in the hotel and Australia were really being perched up by a Mike Hussey century. Ponting departed for an incredibly uncomfortable 10. He played two pull shots off Bresnan, I think, then he too succumbed to a catch behind. 

 

"You're getting sacked in the morning!"

Hughes had inevitably gone playing some stupid shot when he should've been leaving it in swinging conditions and it brought to the crease Mike Hussey. The man who had caused me so much pain in 2006/07 and I had gleefully said wouldn't cause us much trouble in the summer, and instead was fresh off the back of a ton in Perth. Like in Adelaide, his wicket would be very, very important. And as the clouds gathered above, it looked like rain was threatening. So when he got out for single figures (I didn't realise it could happen), the Barmy Army went mad.

My reaction can pretty much be summed up by the man in the foreground. I jumped about, wanted to hug everyone surrounding me and let go of any lingering irrational feelings towards Jimmy Anderson. If you like Graeme Swann, you've got to like James Anderson. Their bromance is something to embrace in world cricket.

After the Mike Hussey wicket, the rain began to fall and the players came off. I think an early lunch was taken. All I remember about the rain delay is there being a lot of beach balls. It was a way to entertain the crowd, but this being the biggest (and most prestigious, the waiting list to join the MCC is at least 15 years!) stadium in Australia, it has to have standards, so the stewards were kept very busy. They were greeted with a lot of booing when they managed to catch a beach ball and had to be subjected to people teasing them by hitting it away from them. It was certainly a more entertaining rain delay than down at the Rose Bowl at Twenty20 Finals Day...

Soon the rain cleared up, but the floodlights were on and the ball was still very much in England's court. Australian wickets continued to tumble and it was looking unlikely that Australia would reach three figures. And it is at this point that I must make a massive apology to Tim Bresnan.

Tim, I'm sorry for ever doubting you. Having watched him get tonked around the ground by the Australians and Pakistan in the ODIs over the summer, I was incredibly sceptical when England made him a part of the squad. When Stuart Broad got injured, I was worried he'd be brought in at Perth (he wasn't, Chris Tremlett was). On the very morning of this Test match, when I heard that Finn had been dropped for Bresnan, I was ready to jump on any mistake the poor sod made. But he shut me up. And I'm pleased he shut me up because his spell of reverse swing in Australia's second innings was absolutely class. He got Mike Hussey for a duck. He must be doing something right.


England were well into the tail and Australia were 92-9. Local hero Peter Siddle had made a higher score than Ponting and Ben Hilfenhaus was in. I hope the Australian top order didn't even bother to change out of their whites. It was, quite frankly, an absolutely horrible display. But I feel no sympathy, because it's exactly what we did at Headingley in 2009. And pretty much every trip to Australia. Hilfenhaus then departed for an 8 ball duck, and there it was. Australia were all out for 98. And I thought the 517-1 card was beautiful!  

Sources claim that the Aussie selectors did consider calling up 'Extras'...

 And despite all this, despite the fantastic bowling display (Swanny only had 2 overs, so this shows you how well the three pronged attack did), the decent fielding and the sun beginning to come out, I was still nervous as Strauss and Cook returned to the field. Yeah, we wouldn't be all out for double figures, but we needed a substantial lead and I didn't want us to be all out for 200. I think the most important thing about that day though was the sun coming out at the right moment. The sky cleared and the floodlights looked ridiculous agains the blue backdrop and bright sunshine. 


We started well, we showed Australia how to play basic cricket by playing each ball on merit and I settled down. Around me, people were enjoying themselves by making beer snakes, trying to start a Mexican wave and trying to get Ricky Ponting to wave at us. Unsurprisingly, he didn't oblige. Cook raced to a 50, whilst Strauss had been stuck on 35 for what seemed ages. But I didn't mind. He was still there. England could bore me to death so long as we didn't lose a wicket. And the amazing thing was, we didn't. We reached 98-0:

Cook got his 50. He'd been given out LBW on 27 to a ball that he'd clearly hit onto his pads: 

And was a while later was followed by Strauss, who'd earlier hit his 6000th Test run. Cricket Australia were right, history would be made. 

At the end of the day, England had reached 157-0. Cook had 80, Strauss was on 64. Everyone hoped that after such a magnificent start they'd both get centuries the next morning, but if not, they'd given England a fantastic platform to build a huge total on. 


Myself, some of the Barmies I met on Christmas Day and some of the people they'd met, all went for a drink to toast the amazing day. One of our group had an Australian friend and we talked to him about the problems in Australian cricket. And he agreed. We weren't getting too ahead of ourselves, England were only 59 runs ahead and if the weather was cloudy tomorrow morning, we could lose quick wickets and be in trouble. Still, I went to bed very happy. I woke up the next morning even happier, as the Australian newspapers did not disappoint. My favourite was from the Herald Sun, in which they labelled their team a 'disgrace'. On the way to the ground, I had to buy one and that souvenir now sits proudly next to my Melbourne Ashes programme at home. You think our tabloids are bad? Next time Australia do badly, check out the newspaper of the state in which the cricket's being played in.

It was slightly cloudy when I got up in the morning and as I wandered to the G, I think I felt a couple of spots of rain. I did some more stalking of the England team in the outdoor nets, this time watching Jonathan Trott, unaware that I'd be watching him for pretty much the rest of the day.

Siddle, the MCG's darling due to being a Victorian, was fired up in the morning and deservedly got wickets. He'd been Australia's best bowler on day one, but the bowlers at the other end had given him no help, so he hadn't been rewarded. Cook and Strauss fell in quick succession, much to my disappoint. I hoped that at least one of them would get a hundred, but I know that Strauss isn't very good in the morning after he's been in the previous evening (Lord's 2009 and Adelaide 2010 are two examples of this) and England were 170-2. England had to see off Siddle, because the other bowlers were about as threatening as a sleeping kangaroo.

England began to rebuild after the early losses of their captain and vice-captain and then, when Pietersen was close to his 50, things exploded into life. Pietersen seemed to leave one, but Brad Haddin (who always claims a catch down the leg side) appealed. Harris appealed. It was given not out. Ponting reviewed. From where I was sat, watching the big screen, there was nothing. The only thing that could possibly be construed as a white blob on hot-spot was where I think Pietersen clipped his pad after the ball had passed the bat. But that might not even have been a white blob. There was simply not enough evidence to overturn the decision by Aleem Dar, and apart from the Cook decision, the umpiring had been pretty good. 

So the original decision stood. But Ponting was fuming. Siddle was fuming despite the fact he wasn't bowling, but he looks angry all the time. Australia wanted Pietersen, but the UDRS had backed the umpire. 

Cheer up, Ricky.

The whole cherade made Ponting, once again, into the villain. He deserved it, because by finger pointing and shouting in the face of a well respected umpire is not how to handle a situation. It just showed how much pressure Ponting was under (the Herald Sun having something about his job being on the line the next day) and whilst he has a history of doing this kind of thing, surely with your team staring down the barrel, it requires a cool head, rather than throwing a tantrum when things don't go your way. 


Pietersen didn't last long after that. He got his 50, but he departed too succumbed to Siddle. Apart from his double century at Adelaide, Pietersen was once again having a very average series. In fact, take out his double hundred, and his average was abysmal. But not as abysmal as the man coming to the crease, poor old Paul Collingwood. Before the match, the big debate was whether or not Bell would be promoted up the order. In this match, it didn't matter. Both of them were out in the same way and Colly got 7 more runs than Bell. They still both committed the cardinal sin of getting out to Mitchell Johnson, the target of the Barmy Army's abuse. 

As soon as the hapless bloke came onto bowl, Billy the trumpeter played a rendition of 'The Addams Family', with the words saying something like:

His mother hates his missus,

His missus hates his mother,

They all hate one another,

The Johnson Family! 

And it clearly gets to him. Whilst Ponting and Haddin are able to block it out (Haddin even bantered with us as we all gave him verbals for appealing for a catch down the leg side), Johnson fires them down the leg side and this spawned one of the most inspired and comedic songs to be heard at a cricket match. Swaying arm movements to the left and the right really emphasise the point being made, and it made me wonder just what was going through his head when he saw the entire M16 bay abusing his bowling. It's something I'd love to ask him, if I ever get the chance. What his response would be is something entirely different. 

Both Bell and Collingwood fell into his trap though, which was him bowling it short and making them hook it. They both took it on. They both failed. They both gave Peter Siddle the chance to be the hero again and take two decent catches. But did the abuse of Mitch stop? No. Because he soon imploded. Matt Prior edged a decent delivery (ha!) behind and began to trudge off, but he was called back, as Aleem Dar had called upstairs to check if it was a no-ball. We had no idea what was going on and to be honest, I don't think the people in charge of the scoreboards did either. People around me had radios on and word began to filter out that it was indeed a no-ball. 

The celebrations that followed pretty much put the final nail in the coffin for poor old Mitch. Every poor delivery was cheered ironically and Prior decided to really stick into him, because he must've been absolutely loving the Barmy Army's chanting.

But I am forgetting the man down at the other end, the man I'd seen in the nets in the morning and the man who'd been in since Cook had departed early on. Jonny Trott was getting closer and closer to yet another Ashes century, as Australia had bowled him some absolute leg side rubbish, which he thrived upon. And when Trott was in the 90s, Ponting decided to bring on Steve Smith and put only one fielder on the leg side. All Trott needed to do was turn it around the corner and bingo, century. And that's exactly what he did. 

It was a magnificent innings. And it just kept going on and on. Prior was enjoying himself down at the other end and England closed the day in yet another fantastic position. They had amassed over 350 and were still only 5 wickets down. Mitchell Johnson had broken, Ponting had blown his fuse, Shane Watson couldn't stop turning around and looking at the Barmy Army and the Aussies were baying for Warnie. 

I gleefully got myself another copy of the Herald Sun at the start of Day 3. 

Prior fell short of a century as he chipped it straight to Punter, who actually caught it, despite fielding absolutely nothing with the hand with his broken pinky. Bresnan fell to Siddle too, then Swann came in and flourished on the situation by playing a cameo of 22 off 28. But Trott was still going. And whilst the tail crumbled once Swann departed, he finised on a superb 168 not out. It was exactly what England needed and with a lead of over 400, the weather set fair, over two days left and a pitch beginning to crumble, there was only one result in this match. It was just a question of when it would happen and whether Australia could salvage any pride. 

Australia started their second innings, like in the first, very positively. Watson looked in good touch, Phil Hughes was thriving on the situation by blasting a couple of boundaries and Anderson and Tremlett were looking pretty expensive. In 11 overs, Australia had reached 50 and a cheeky Aussie behind me said that at the rate they were going, they'd be past our total by tea. 

Then Watson did something that only he could do. Calling Hughes for a run that only he seemingly saw, Hughes was left high and dry by, of all people, Jonathan Trott. Australia lost their first wicket and England sensed blood. It was Ponting next, and he was greeted with some boos by the Barmy Army and other England supporters. I think I booed. You have to respect the umpires decision, no matter what. It was like Gary Pratt all over again. 

Ponting was very watchful, England tightened up and Australia began to work hard for their runs. Watson was looking dangerous, and he soon reached 50/wicket territory. And he didn't disappoint. Bresnan came on and Watson, in a complete and utter misjudgement offered no shot. He was given out, but decided to review it. Despite the fact he offered no shot. All the ball had to do was clip the stumps and it would go with the umpire. And that's exactly what it did. Watson did his sad puppy face and trudged off, bringing Michael Clarke to the crease, another Aussie under supreme pressure from the press and public alike. 

And then, then Ponting was gone. Bresnan, who was making me eat every word I've ever said about him, was bowling an absolutely fantastic spell and Ponting was bowled. What made the wicket even better is that the Barmy Army were singing and it was a 'Barmy Army wicket'. What a better wicket to get than Ponting bowled? 

Ponting's stumps destroyed. Rather like his little finger.

And then the icing on the cake. Mike Hussey was out for a duck. It was a great piece of field placing by Strauss and Bell duly took the catch. I, once again, danced around in circles and turned around to my new friends, looking like a massive idiot and being a bit too happy about his dismissal. We were five wickets away from retaining the Ashes due to the injury to Ryan Harris. One of those wickets was Steve Smith. 

Everyone was feeling very, very happy. Swann was bowling really well and deserved a wicket. And he got what he deserved. Strauss put himself in at second slip and the delivery straight after he did this nestled comfortably in his hands after taking a Clarke edge. Swann may've been criticised after the series for not taking wickets, but whilst he wasn't taking wickets, his economy was controlled and he really racked up the overs. Australia is a gruelling place for most spinners, unless you're Shane Warne, and in all honesty, Swann put in a decent return and was a key part of that unified four-man attack. 

With Australia 5 down, it was a case of how many more wickets England could get and whether they'd be able to take the extra half hour and really push for the victory. They only managed to get Steve Smith after he pulled it onto his own stumps off James Anderson. The umpires weren't sure if Harris was going to bat, Haddin was still in and Johnson had hit a half century the previous game. So the players came off, England looking very pleased, Australia looking shell-shocked and 6 down with 2 days to go. That urn was coming back with the England team, bar any freak rain storms. 

What was absolutely brilliant about the position of the Barmy Army in Bay 16 was that the non-striker could see everything that was going on when the bowler was coming in from the Pavilion End. And that non-striker happened to be Mitchell Johnson. And boy did we enjoy ourselves!

I was so excited about Day Four that I woke up at 6 in the morning and proceeded to jump silently around my hotel room. I was about to see England retain the Ashes for the first time in my life (I hope you feel old now). Seriously, Cricket Australia really did choose their slogan for the summer well. 

Mitch soon departed and England only needed two more wickets. Just two. Now was the time for the Aussies to salvage a bit of pride and try and make a respectable total. Siddle (said in a high-pitched voice) played some shots, cheered on by the very few Australians present in the crowd. Brad Haddin (he's crap at his job) was also playing some shots and was on his way to a 50. And then the resistance ended as Siddle holed out to Pietersen after mistiming another attemped boundary off Swann. And despite Siddle and Haddin hitting sixes off of him, Swann had done such a fantastic job the previous day, that his economy was still about two.

As soon as KP took the catch, the celebrations started. Hilfenhaus was coming in on a pair and facing Bresnan, who'd taken 5 in the match and after his heroic spell the previous day really deserved a four-fer. 

And he got it. Hilfenhaus duly edged it behind to Prior, who took 7th catch of the match (says a lot, Aussie batsmen) and the celebrations were in full flow. People were hugging, the singing started the cameras were out. It was absolutely amazing to be a part of it and it is something I will never, ever forget. I'm going to let the pictures do the talking, because I think the blog is long enough... 

Moment of victory

This is before the sprinkler. I embarrassingly turn my camera off instead of taking a picture. It's not even easy to do. I'm so annoyed at myself. Still, I really like this picture, just because Strauss has got the biggest smile on his face!

After the sprinkler!

Four, six, four, he's Matty Prior!

My favourite moment of the presentations was when Jonny Trott was asked why he does so well against Australia. Our answer? "He bowls to the left, he bowls to the riiiiiiight, that Mitchell Johnson, his bowling is shite!" I like to think he heard us. 

Thank you for reading, part II in Sydney will be coming once I have the time again. For now, I leave you with this quite frankly beautiful image. 

Absolutely fan-bloody-tastic.